I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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