Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
