I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
