He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
