I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
