Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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