this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
