i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
