the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize