I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
