They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
