so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
