just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
