I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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