We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
