I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
