were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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