i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
