Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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