My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
