The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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