I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
