I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She's JV to your varsity
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize