I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
