good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
