I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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