do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
