Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
