I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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