You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The struggles of a small town man whore
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
