My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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