mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
