we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
