She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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