Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
