You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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