So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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