get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
