went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
