i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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