i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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