Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
