Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
