Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
