Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we're making bets on your personal life
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need a beard to bite.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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