i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
