dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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