This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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