my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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