It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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