No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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