She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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