He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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