I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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