I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
