somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
