I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
