after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
