We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize