I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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