speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize