i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
