my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
