found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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