I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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