But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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