You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
