i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
