Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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