So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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