Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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