Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize