my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
